The Mind of Mubarak: December 2011

So a little Chinese girl who comes for English lectures in my dormitory, saw me bare-chested on the floor n said "why are you so emaciated?" Listen, do you have any idea how hard it is for Chinese person to speak English fluently? let alone a little girl? For her to use such a big word got me angrier. I was just hating because I didn't know what it meant. I said "WHAT?” She then said "you are slim", then I said "why didn't you say that before?". She shrugged and walked off. "What a cocky little girl", I thought. To be real, I was just hating. I had like 10 years on her, I'm from an English speaking country, and she's now studying English, how did she say a word I'd never heard pissed me off? For those of you who don’t know what it means too, I took the liberty to look it up in the dictionary for you and this is what came out "Thin or haggard, especially from hunger or disease". This was enough motivation for me to go look for a gym. Luckily enough, there was a cheap one right across the street where I lived. Now I can’t wait to get back in shape and tell that big-mouthed-little-girl to go jump off a bridge and kill herself. Disclaimer: kidding!

Until recently, I had forgotten how funny being at the gym was. In all gyms across the world, these same incidents happen, or maybe its just the gyms I work out in. But regardless, I just thought I should let y'all in on my "gym experiences". Some of you gym-heads might have experienced this, if you haven't, don't worry, that's what I am here for. Sit Back, Relax; grab yourself a chilled coke and some Pringles. Here we go !!

You know when people lift heavy weights, especially in a gym, they make weird noises ? Thats normal in any workout especially when your muscles get tired and you are almost finishing your reps. So thats cool. Problem is, NOT ALL NOISES ARE COOL. I swear to God this one big, macho Chinese dude makes me feel uncomfortable anytime I am in the gym. His noises are so loud and sexually violating in every way possible. I gave him a name; "Intercourse", Inter-C for short. Anytime he walks into the gym, I give my boy Ershad a look like "Yo, Inter-C is about to defile us man", and we just put our headphones on loud. The saddest thing is, he likes to socialize while in the gym which I personally dislike. "How the hell are you gonna make all those sexual noises and want to get friendly and shakes hands afterwards?" I haven't told him that though. How can I, this is a 6'5 muscular Chinese dude. Do you have any idea what that means.... it means he is "BRUCE LEE, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER and HULK HOGAN put into one. You damn right I'm not messing with him, and my boy Ershad already told me he is gonna leave my black ass behind if I mess around and piss the dude off.

Let me talk about the skinny dudes for a second. In any gym, there are usually lots of mirrors around so one can look at themselves while working out. Have you noticed its always the skinny dudes who stand in front of the mirror with their shirts off flexing their lean-ass muscles? They do 10 push-ups, stand up and look into the mirror like the muscles are going to appear magically. Bad thing is, some of these gym mirrors kind of magnifies your image a bit so its deceptive sometimes. I just had to be real with one dude I became friends with, and told him "Yo my man, put on a suit, a fur coat and a leather jacket man, cos your body ain't changed brother". My bad

Ca you really blame them ? The big muscular guys are to blame. How will you feel if some dude comes to lift 100 kg of weight, causes a scene and makes everyone look at him in admiration, while you struggle with 20 and 30 kg weights? That embarrassing, isn’t it? Of course you would wanna get ripped fast. No wonder the little dudes stare at the mirror all the time trying to find a grain of muscle. But unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

Some dudes are in the gym 7 days a week, 365 days a year and still gain no muscle. That's because it takes a lot more than gym-time to build up. Kishun, this dude I met at my gym, literally does everything right at the gym. He uses the equipment correctly, he is there for the right amount of time..etc. Surprisingly, I have gained more muscle in 1 month than he has in several. On my way out of the gym one day beaming with smiles, I politely said to him while he was working out "Kishun, put that weight down man, you don't need metals, you need food bro".

Now my most important point. Usually its all men at the gym so people always wanna walk around in their towels after they take the shower at the gym. Thing is, some people take it another level; walking around the gym with just their draws on. Some dude came right out of the shower to the entrance door of the gym and called out his friend with his "stuff" all swinging. "Dude, how the heck u expect us to concentrate and lift these heavy ass metals while u walking around with just some dirty ass boxers and your stuff piercing all through it. Come on. This is a GYM not a PUBLIC POOL, get back inside and put some pants on man" ......of course he was my friend, if not, I would be stitched up in the hospital by now.

Now a piece of advice to you gym heads. Please do not advice anybody at the gym if you don't "look right". When you notice someone lifting weights wrongly, make sure you are more muscular than the person before you walk up to offer him advice on what to do. I know it sucks but that is the reality. The moment you start talking, all he thinks is "Dude, would you get your skinny ass out of my face, if you were such an expert, how come my thump is bigger than your arms. Obviously your advice isn't working for you".

With that being said, I will urge all you guys and girls to pick up the habit of working out or exercising. Its healthy, makes you look good....and as the saying goes "When you look good, you feel good"...and it also makes you confident. Moreover, in my personal opinion, a man who takes care of his body; works out PROPERLY and is dedicated to it, has LOTS of discipline. It takes a lot of balls to go hard at the gym, and not a lot of people can keep up.

Thanks for reading y’all………👊 !!