PICKUP LINES: THE STORY

“Babe, I am not the most attractive guy here but I’m the only one talking to you”.  This was what my friend told this girl sitting at the bar. When I heard that, I moved about 10 feet away from him cos I knew he was gonna get slapped or get hit with a beer bottle. But No, she was nice enough to just ignore him. This brought back a lot of memories from back in the day, some pretty funny and some pretty sad ones. So this post is about pickup lines. Let's go!

I was in Junior High School when I wrote down my first pickup line. It was a line I had heard from the movie Juwanna man. “You are a tall glass of water and I’m thirsty”..that was the line. At the time, I thought it was pretty good so I wrote it down and shared with my boys and they all thought it was genius. Not just us, some girls actually did like it too. Sitting here writing this post after 10 years, I am laughing to myself thinking “damn that was a really dumb thing to say”.

Every guy has probably thought about using a pickup line, or has used a pickup line, or still use it. In my first year of college, my roommate used to memorize books full of pickup lines like he had to write exams on them. This dude would carry his pocket book everywhere he went, and actually say some of these lines to some random girls around the campus. One day, he came to the room looking all flustered, talking about "these lines don't seem to work man, why is that ?" I took a look at his little notebook and read some of these pickup lines he had on there. These are the few ones I still remember (1) “hi baby, are you wearing space pants, because your butt is out of this world” (2) “hi, you have nice legs, what time do they open ?” (3) “Do you have a name or can I call you "mine"?. After I read them, I then understood why his face got redder and redder each passing day. It was definitely from all the slaps that had being administered to him by these girls after he told them these things. 

As bad as some of these lines might sound, different girls react differently to different pickup lines. Some girls would agree that some awful pickup lines have actually worked on them. I guess this goes to show that romance is full of surprises. We have all wondered why a very pretty girl would date a guy that was "out of her league" and vice versa. So I guess romance is indeed full of surprises. That notwithstanding, lots of girls absolutely hate pickup lines saying it’s not authentic and its desperate.

The funniest thing however, is the response some girls give to these guys. True story; I am with my Nigerian friend Justin. Now Justin is one of those guys who wants to talk to any cute girl he meets. So we are walking around the neighborhood and we see this girl walking towards us. He goes to her and says “hello, haven’t I seen you someplace before?”, the girl replies “yeah you have, that’s why I don’t go there anymore”…and that was enough to end the conversation. Big cousin also told his sad story about using a pickup line. He approached a girl and said “hey girl, whats your sign”…I guess that was a popular line from back in the day....and with a mean face, the girl replied “Do not enter”. He turned slowly and walked away. Point is, some girls have heard these lines from several guys and have developed quite “hurtful” responses for them. So fellows, be creative with your lines if you insist on using them. 

Personally, I don’t like pickup lines and I  don't use them either. But they do actually work if it’s creative and most importantly, FUNNY. Don’t go saying dumb cliche things like “did it hurt from you fell from heaven” or “you must be a broom because you are sweeping me off my feet”. That might have worked from 1910 to 1915, but in this era, you will get drinks poured on your face for that. Personal advice ?? forget pickup lines and just be regular, if a girl isn't interested in talking to you when you say a simple “hi”, you can be damn sure she wouldn't talk to you when you say corny pickup lines either.

Thanks for reading y'all...............ONE LOVE

I am pretty sure this was exactly what happened to my friend. That's what u get for saying dumb pickup lines

Talk to the hand. Now that's a bad sign. I am pretty sure he said "how did it feel when u fell from heaven"

You could be good looking but saying the wrong things can get drinks poured on you. Now go wash that tight-ass T-shirt and try again. 

She's thinking "Yeah whatever...I have heard it over and over". Be creative y'all

Really, that was your best line? "come on baby me love u long time" ?? really? 

This is what NOT saying stupid pickup lines can get you. 

Pickup lines can work too, you just gotta be funny and creative. Might land you a friend 

Even the other guy is mad at that line. I am pretty sure he got slapped after a while.

This is pretty funny but girl wasn't feeling it. 

Dumb pickup lines do make you corny. Be yourself fellows. Just being cute isn't enough, at least that's what these ladies are saying.