I HAVE A DREAM

Anybody who knows me or has at least read my blog knows that I am a big standup comedy fan. I get a lot of inspiration from watching comics perform. Partly because they are very raw and direct with their thoughts, which is a trait I like to think I possess. They are also very uncensored - At least my favorite ones are:  Dave Chappelle and Bernie Mac

I recently watched a bit that Bernie Mac performed and I was inspired to write this post. I have been wanting to write this for a long time now but I was never really driven to do it until I saw Bernie's bit on the Kings of Comedy Tour, the highest-grossing stand-up tour ever. The bit he did was basically centered on things that he wished would change. Even though they were quite petty and funny, they were profound. This inspired me to write this piece on things I wish would change in my environment, country, and community. I call this: I HAVE A DREAM.

"I have a dream" is a famous phrase that was made popular by the late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jnr, popularly known as MLK. MLK was very famous for his contributions to the American Civil Rights movements in the 1960s. He is mainly credited with emancipating Black-Americans in the United States from slavery. In 1963, MLK spoke of his dream of a United States that is void of racial discrimination, and segregation. He gave this speech while 250,000 people had gathered at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. Below are some of his words from his famous speech:

"I have a dream, that one day, my four little children will live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character"

"I have a dream, that one day, this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold the truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal"

"I have a dream, that one day, on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood"

These were, and still to this day, very profound and earnest words. Rest in peace, The Great Dr. King.

After watching that hilarious comedic clip from Bernie who also stated some hilarious dreams of his. I have some dreams on my own that I feel aren't as crucial as MLKs but are just as profound. Here there go:

• I have a dream, that one day, fat people will know their place, and wear clothes that are appropriate for their body type.

• I have a dream, that one day, women will understand that your man doesn't have to text you just because his WhatsApp status says "online". There are 100s of contacts in his phone: Mum, brother, sister, Dad, friends, boss, colleagues, employees, random people, etc. Hell, he had a life before you, didn't he?

• I have a dream, that one day, fat people will stop being the ones causing scenes at fast-food restaurants. If somebody is going to be mad at the waitress for delaying their order, I need the fat people to not be the ones to raise the tantrum. It just doesn't look right.

• I have a dream, that one day, people will stop counting other people's pockets. Trying to figure out how much money they have.

• I have a dream, that one day, women will stop wearing wigs. Come on, rock a baldie if you have to. 

• I have a dream, that one day, after a man and a woman have discussed and gotten past a problem, the woman will not bring it back up every 6 months just to rub it in. I say woman because men usually don't do that. If you do so as a man, you are A SUCKER, the worse kind.

• I have a dream, that one day, our people will stop acting like crabs in a bucket

• I have a dream, that one day, men will stop wearing pants that stop before their ankle

• I have a dream, that one day, my people will stop spending excessive amounts of money on funerals. The person is dead. Bath him, bury him, pray for him and focus on the living. 

• I have a dream, that one day, women will STOP pressuring men to do lavish weddings just because their friends did. This isn't a 100-meter race where you are crowned the winner. This is life.

• I have a dream, that one day, men will stop hating and snitching on other men for a woman's favor or romantic opportunity. This happens among men more than you think.

• I have a dream, that one day, parents will speak their native tongue with their babies at home. When did it ever become cool that your kids speak a different language and not their own? That is stupid. 

• I have a dream, that one day, parents will not transfer their personal insecurities to their kids. I'd admit that most parents do this subconsciously.

• I have a dream, that one day, Fast-Food restaurants will have weight limits posted on their entrance. Like "only persons below 80 kgs are allowed in"

• I have a dream, that one day, people who are out of shape will quit saying "I'm proud of my body" and rather do something about it. You weren't born like this so what is there to be proud of? You have a choice at something better so work for it. If you are short like I am, that is a different thing. "I'm short and I'm proud" all day, I don't have a damn choice, do I? 😃

• I have a dream, that one day, men and women will not go through their partner's cell phone to see who he/she is talking to. What do you think they are, a robot? Of course, he or she talks to other humans beside you.

• I have a dream, that one day, people will not take it personally when you don't respond to their calls or messages "on time". That they will understand that life doesn't revolve around them. That they'll understand that, there are other important aspects of your life you have to attend to. The same way they have important things to handle.

• I have a dream, that one day, people will avoid stressing themselves over unimportant things. Most importantly, things they have no control over. 

• I have a dream, that one day, people will no longer care about the falsehood others spread about them. People even spread lies about God. Yet, he's not striking them with thunder, is he?  He's happy and living his best life. So who are you to feel a way about the lies people tell about you. Let it go and keep being positive and keep pushing.

That's all of my dreams and wishes, FOR NOW. Dr. King will be proud of me...........I think.

Hope you enjoyed reading y'all...........LOVE ✌


Oh wait, ONE more thing:

• I have a dream that one day, skinny people will stop thinking they are healthy just because they are not overweight. Don't you hate it when you encourage a slim person to workout and she says "But I'm slim, what do I need to train for?". Umm, because the name of the place is called "GYM" not "FAT PEOPLE ONLY". Come on man!

                                                  ONE OF MY BIGGEST DREAMS

THIS PISSES ME OFF FOR SOME REASON

"Crabs in a bucket"

 I DREAM THAT ONE DAY WE'LL STOP THE "IF I CAN'T HAVE IT, NEITHER CAN YOU" ATTITUDE

Doesn't it piss you off when people, especially YOUNG PEOPLE, say that on her Tshirt?

 WE SHOULD ALL WORK ON OURSELF ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. Whether you are rich, poor, healthy, unhealthy, strong, weak or whatever. FAT AND PROUD?? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME 😃

P A R A N O I A

I am a slightly paranoid man. Plus, I have some trust issues as well. However, I think it is a good thing, at least 80% of the time. Where did I get that from? Probably my Mum and definitely my Dad. My mum, like most mothers, is the worrying type, and very emotional. My Dad, on the other hand, a tough dude who barely shows emotion. He always used to say "At the back of your mind, treat everyone like a criminal". Well, I didn't blame him for his thought-process, as he was in the Police force for a lot of his life. So you understand how this combination of characters makes me a certain way. 

The paranoia described in this post didn't stem from my parents though. This emanated from a totally different experience that I am going to share with you guys.

So I usually workout early mornings. I work out, shower in the gym and head straight to work from there. I am very confident in the gym as I know my way around pretty well and I know exactly what I have to do each day. But, on the opposite side of the gym, are the showers. That scares me when I'm in there. Anytime I hit the showers, I am low-key anxious and slightly petrified, especially if I hear someone walk in to use the place. Paranoia kicks in immediately and I get to thinking. My mind runs wild. 

Why am I paranoid in this situation? What am I paranoid about?  This experience is where I believe it all started from:

8 years ago, I was walking down the warm streets of Gothenburg on a nice summer afternoon. School had closed, weather was good, sun was out, birds were chirping, everything was right. I had soccer practice just behind my university. I was walking down the alley alone, music blasting in my headphones, sunglasses on, just taking it lightly and enjoying my walk. About 200 meters away I see a guy on a bike coming towards my direction. He gets close, we both say hi, walk past each other, and keep it moving. But right when he passes me, I hear his bike stop. I hear him call me, so I figured he knows me from school or the neighborhood. He was a middle-aged guy, about 6 feet 2 inches tall, Southern-Asian looking dude, probably Nepalese or Bangladeshi. He rides back towards me and at this point, my Dad's instinct starts kicking in. I thought to myself "It is only two of us here, what if he tries something". I start to check him out and I figure "Yeah he is taller but I think I can take this guy in a fight. He isn't that threatening". He gets closer and says, to this day the scariest combination of words any man has ever told me. He says "Do you want me to suck you?". I heard him clearly but I just couldn't believe it so I asked "Whaaat?". He proceeded to say it more explicitly. I was terrified, to say the least, but I had to play it calmly. I responded "Nah man, I'm good. I'm straight. But thanks though". To date, I still don't know why I thanked him for offering. That alone tells you I was horrified. So I proceeded to walk away from him while he stood there and stared at me like he thought I was playing hard-to-get or that I'd change my mind. Right when I turned the corner, I started to run as fast as I can. My heart raced the whole time until I got to training. My teammates being around gave me comfort. This is way better than being alone in that alley, I thought. I had never been this scared in my life. Why was I so scared? It was the fear of something happening to my rear end, the fear of forceful entry, the fear of rape. What if I got rapped by another man? As a man, how do you tell somebody you got rapped by another man? Who do you talk to? Your friends? Definitely not mine. Imagine me telling Leroy, "Yo dawg, guess what happened today? This big dude cornered me and raped me, bro. There was nothing I could do? I screamed and shouted but no one came to my rescue". His first response will be "hahahahahahahaha", and then later ask "how did it feel? why didn't you fight?. why didn't you run? and then "hahahahaha" again. It will just be a long-running joke forever. Since that incident, I have been paranoid and had anxiety about such situations. But it doesn't manifest itself until I am taking a shower at the gym. I guess that is the only time I'm indeed vulnerable.

Now that you know where this particular paranoia stems from. Let's go back to the gym. A guy who I suspect to be interested in men showed up at my gym recently. I know him from a nearby shop I buy yogurt from. I suspected he was gay because of his mannerisms and how he acted towards me anytime I went there. I later got word that he was indeed gay and open about it. That's totally fine. I'm not one to judge anybody. Last week, I walked in the gym and there he was. "What is he doing here? maybe he's trying to get in better shape like the rest of us", I imagined. I walked in, exchanged pleasantries with the regular fellows like we always do, and said hi to him. I tried my best to not make eye contact with him but I couldn't stop looking at the mirrors to see if he was checking me out like he does at the yogurt shop. Anytime I looked, I saw him looking and it got weird. Now I get through working out and I hit the showers to freshen up. I grab my changing bag and I see him watch me head towards the showers. While I'm in there bathing, I hear the door open and I hear someone walk in and singing. I was like "You have got to be kidding me". It was him. Boy! was I PETRIFIED. The anxiety kicked in heavily. My mind started racing. In my mind, he had forced-opened the curtains and tried to enter the washroom and force himself on me  My Dad's advice kicked in too "Treat everybody like a criminal". At this point, I had gotten into a fight stance in the bathroom waiting for any trouble. He was in there for about 30 seconds and then I heard him leave. When he left, I hurriedly washed down, dressed up and left to work. To be honest, I didn't even finish bathing. I washed off whatever soap was on me and said: "To hell with this bathing thing, why am I even here". I had a bad day at work that day.

So now you know. Don't trigger my anxiety guys. If you ever see me discombobulated, this may be one of the few reasons why. 

Well! as always, it has been a lot of fun bringing you this uncomfortable piece. After an entire year of not writing, I decided to start with a light one. I hope y'all took time out of your busy schedules to read this inappropriate and uncomfortable tale of my homosexual encounters and its continued threats and repercussions on my life. Peace ✌

Thanks for reading y'all............LOVE

                                         

         This was me and the guy at the alley. No wonder I was terrified.

When I turned the corner, I bet I broke Usain's record. Unfortunate that no one was checking the time

    When I heard the dude enter the bathroom

Picture me with soap all around me and naked with this stance. That was me in the bathroom when the dude was in there the whole time  

 Dude was in the gym like "Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy"