THE RETURN (to the ex)

sup y'all

So I had a couple of things on my mind I wanted to write about this week but I chose to write this piece on EXes because it was the most recent thing I had experienced prior to writing this, so why not write that first.
This is something that actually happens to a lot of people. Almost every guy or girl has heard the words "dont worry, she/he will come back".

So why do ladies want a return to the guy they broke up with in the first place? well that is the million dollar question. The quickest answer that might pop up in ones head is probably "because she loves him" and the quickest response one would think about is "then why did she leave him in the first place".

Well, I think there a lot of angles one can look at this. But firstly, let me quote this from an episode of the hit TV show, THE GOOD WIFE, for those of you who watch or might want to watch, it was something one character, Alicia Florrick, said in one episode where she had seen her ex-boyfriend from college and good old memories started surfacing. A colleague of hers noticing this, told her to go back to this guy since her marriage was on rocky grounds anyway. Alicia responded "It looks romantic and perfect because its not happening". These few words resonated with me a lot since it has in-dept meaning to it. This brings me to my first point.

• As humans, we tend to always remember the good things about a place even if it was the harshest place ever. Once we make it out from a tough time or place to a better one, we always remember the older times for its good memories not necessarily the bad. This ability to forget some pain and hurt is one of the best gifts humans possess. With that being said, i believe this happens in relationships too and as most men will know, women always want to compare past relationships with the present and wish they could go back to enjoy the same things they had enjoyed in a past relationship, especially if they are not getting the EXACT same pleasures in the current one . Women like adventure and personally, I think the thought of adventure is always fun until you actually experience it, then you realize its not as much fun as u thought it would. At least Aron from the movie 127 HOURS will agree. haha

• This point is just point-blank truth and I know some of the ladies who might read this will agree and some of you will probably be pissed.. but hey it is what it is. Ladies just hate to see their ex's happy with another girl, especially if the girl is prettier. That's just in your DNA ladies, sorry. Personally I think its the same reason girls always want be the ones to end a relationship. For some reason, it makes sense to them who broke it off. Breakup is breakup ladies, regardless of who said the words, and this can be tied to my very next point.

• I hate to say this but I think women are somewhat selfish (and I mean that in both ways, good and bad). That is how God made you. That is to my people who believe in God. So if you don't, just replace "God" with whatever you believe in, i.e, "moon", "universe", or whatever people believe in these days". Women always want ALL of a man, i.e, money, time, energy...etc. You cannot even be closer to your mum than your girl these days. True story, one girl said " I want you to love me so much that you cannot breathe without me " and she really thought whoever she said it to could do that ? haha. Well of course the guy responded "Yes" just to keep the peace between them. So point is, no woman wants another woman to enjoy what she is enjoying with a man or has enjoyed with a man. That's how come your girl has NEVER being good friends with any of your exes. I bet you are thinking right now... "yeahhhh he is right". Yep, I know

• This point is possibly the most important to me. From the words of my favorite comedian STEVE HARVEY who wrote a New York Times best selling book "ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN", he said "A lot of women have had good men and not know it". Personally, i think the idea of a good man to a woman is over-emphasized. It means your idea of what a good man should be may not exactly be what it actually is. So true story, I overheard my mum talk to my sister when she was going to get married, she said to her " A good man is a man who has a some fear in God and is kind to you and generous ". As a young boy, I thought to myself  "wow, is that all mum is saying to sis". As a little older man now, I realized that was the best advice she could have given her. That simply means that you can never find the whole package in any one person, and I guess for her, a kind and God fearing man is what is getting her through, now, 35 years of a marriage. So point is, be content with the who your partner is and what he has because you never know, you might even be lucky he still comes home and kisses you goodnight. Somebody else is just craving for a goodnight and not getting it. I guess what I am saying is, some women leave guys for the wrong reasons, then go out to test-the-waters and realize the waters are not that sweet and later want to make that bullshit-ass-comeback. The same situation happens with men too.

Now let me hit on this subject really quickly. Fellows !! have you noticed that your girl never talks good about her ex. I mean NEVER. NOT ONCE. All they do is bash and condemn them to you, and we really don't want to hear it but since it makes them feel good, we just have to listen and act like we care. So true story, me, my boy, and his girlfriend were hanging out one time. The whole time she was talking about her ex and saying all humiliating stories about him that we shouldn't even be knowing about. 3 days after breaking up with my friend, I saw her write this on her ex's Facebook profile page (this is no joke),  she said "Why did I let you go, I will never find anybody who will love me like you did" and this was the first of many messages. WOW !! you can imagine how shocked we were to see this. So please ladies, the ex bashing to your man is played out and we don't even want to hear it plus we know you will do the same to us if the unfortunate happens. As the saying goes, if you can't speak good about a person, just shut up about them.

That notwithstanding, people make mistakes in relationships and sometimes things don't work out for the right reasons. That's cool but I think its better to always keep a healthy relationship with people you come across. Moreover, its always easy to make the "bullshit-ass-comeback" 😅😅

ENJOY READING.....One Luv 💃

SENSE OF HUMOR (SOH)

hey y'all

This particular topic, Sense of Humor (SOH), is very personal & passionate to me and it has being on my mind for quite sometime now so I guess i have to say "Thank God for blogs" because I now have a platform to share.

Being a person with quite a good sense of humor. I realise a lot of people have this quality, while a large of number of people also do not, understandably so, and THAT'S WHERE THE PROBLEM is!!
I think SOH is innate, its not really something one can literally learn but its definitely something one can perfect or improve.

Personally, I think I get mine from my Dad who is really humorous, which gets on my nerves sometimes, as ironic as that sounds. Being a person who loves stand-up comedy, I kinda enhance my SOH with watching comedy and with anything I watch and listen to: a movie, a song or regular conversation with people.

NOW this blog is actually not to talk about my SOH but to help others without it have a better understanding to what it is and hopefully help them enhance what is already innately in them, i.e., HUMOR, which I believe everyone has.
I actually chose to do this piece on SOH because of the trouble it has caused a lot of people including myself, when someone doesn't comprehend your SOH and takes it offensive. This indeed is a common thing that any "funny" person experiences, where listeners or readers cannot connect the dots in a joke or take things too personally.

Depending what kinda sex you are, this problem is usually frequent with the opposite sex. My own issues with my SOH is nothing to be underestimated, especially on our very own addictive-drug called FACEBOOK. The toughest repercussion I have had to incur was being removed from this girl's friend list. Other minor ones include, non-responding chats, angry-status-comments...etc and some requested that I apologize to be reconsidered as a Facebook friend...3y3 as3m oo. 👅
In my opinion, I think its because people take themselves way too seriously totally unnecessary (that will be another discussion for another day).

Wondering why this is so, I came across some pointers that might help people and all of us really enhance our SOH. Going through them, I noticed these are exactly things you realize about people who have amazing sense of humor. Here we go !!

• You gotta learn the art of smiling. Life is easier, healthier and better when laughter is frequent.

• Treat yourself with comedy. I call this comedy-hollywood. It could be stand-up comedy or funny movies or anything that makes you laugh, because these funny moments in these movies are actually things that happen in real life. Hence it enables you see the humor in some real life events that you would normally frown upon. Here is an example..."About a year ago, we lost power in our house in Gothenburg because our landlady had forgotten to pay the light bill. This went on for a couple of weeks until me and my boy Teddy's "hood life" kicked in. We took about 4 extensions, connected them to some external sockets on our corridor of our apartment buidling and had some light in our room. Our landlady came at night and saw the long cable extensions from the corridor and flipped out. I mean she was so mad she wanted to kick us out of the apartment. She was scared of what her neighbors might think, but changed her mind becauase I guess she needed the rent money. A few days after, we watched this comedy by Eddie Griffin talking about differences between white folks and black folks and cited this EXACT example, He said "when a black dude loses power, he just connects his extensions to his neighbors and probably subsidizes his neighbors light bills for the month, while a white person will likely get depressed over it and commit suicide". that was just a funny bit but we realized it was exactly what had happened in our situation. From then onward, the incident became funny as hell, even though it was really serious the first couple of days.

• Find humor in embarrassing moments because I believe every embarrassing moment is funny. Why do you think your friends laugh at your embarrassing moments? You just have see past the embarrassment and enjoy the humor in it. Its healing. So another true story: Still in Gothenburg, I enter the washroom at school, right. I was in so much hurry to use it I forgot to lock the door behind me. This girl in my class entered and saw me with my pants down and everything. Y'all should have seen the look on her face. I still don't know if she smiled because she liked what she saw or didn't. Me and my boys laugh at this incident all the time even though its was really embarrassing, but hey LIFE GOES ON. 

• When you think someone is trying offend you, always respond with humor first. That's the only way you can determine if the person is actually trying be offensive or if he's just being funny. More importantly, it's the best way to disarm a person who indeed is trying to be offensive. You cant laugh at a person who laughs at himself. Got it ?

One personal thing I realized about people with great sense of humor is that: They do not hold back what they really want to say. Thinking too much and trying to find out if your every word is going to offend someone is just a recipe for disaster, plus it doesn't make for great conversation. I believe funny is funny and a joke is a joke, be it religious, racial...etc. Personally, I think racial jokes are the best. I use them all the time and that doesn't make me racist.

Having great sense of humor is all about TIMING. You've got to know when to say things. SO Ladies and Gentlemen, get your funny on. Aside all the aforementioned positives, it also scores the most points with the guys and girls respectively. Every girl wants a funny guy and vice-versa.

"TWO KINDS OF MEN HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH GETTING WOMEN, ONE IS A FUNNY MAN AND ONE IS A DANGEROUS MAN, BECAUSE WOMEN WANNA LAUGH OR FEEL PROTECTED".........words from an old head.

Since being funny doesn't end with Jail time like being dangerous, that is your best bet. Lol

THANKS FOR READING. ONE LOVE 👊👊!!

A REAL MAN'S PERSPECTIVE

Hi y'all,

This note was inspired by a stand up comedy I watched, where this female comedienne was talking about stuff ladies go through in their relationships. Even though it was really funny, I picked up a few pointers and added things I have experienced or seen others experience. I like these kinds of conversation because its real and its something I talk a lot about with the hommies because there is no definite answer or way around it.

Now, I guess you can call it the dos and donts in a relationship. Of course this is relative, and it depends on the kind of man you are with and the culture they come from., these things I am going to list are things I have seen people have problems with, in their relationships and I know a lot of y'all will relate to them.

1. No smoking. A guy definitely is not going to take you seriously if you smoke. That's a NO NO. personally i wouldn't SERIOUSLY date a girl who drinks either, but if u do drink, u have got to know how to handle you and your drink. Living in Sweden right now, I realized this does not really hold in this part of the world, so this point is exclusive to my Ghanaian people or others with common culture.

2. Stop bragging about things you do for yourself, because men need to be needed.

3 A man will give a woman he LOVES what she needs, wants and desires as long as she doesn't KEEP asking him. If u need a new refrigerator, bring him a hot drink and expect a fridge to show up at your door.

4.Ladies, SILENCE is the last word, even you are arguing with us. we hate it when you shout too much because it DRIVES US CRAZY. But when y'all are silent, we get scared, we think you don't care anymore and there's nothing a guy fears more than thinking his girl is looking somewhere else.

5. NEVER say anything about a man's mother or parent...whether he shows his open affection for her or not, he LOVES her. Even if he doesn't know her, he still does. ITS NATURAL.

6. EVERY GIRL isn't your friend ladies, so WATCH YOUR BACK. Maybe she is studying you, she wants to be like you, wants your man or wants to upgrade her profile just by hanging with you. Deep down, ladies know who their real friends are, probably someone you've known for years, someone you go church and also party with, that girl that does everything for you, backs you even when you are wrong and might probably lend you her weave. haha

7.Ladies, have our back. Believe in your man because men don't really have anyone to talk to. You have your girlfriends to lean on and cry on their shoulders. A man cannot go to his friend and cry about a breakup...his friends will probably go like "MY FRIEND, SHUT UR BITCH-ASS UP" and run around tell all the other guys that he was crying over some girl. So please have our back, believe in us and let us dream.

NOW, A NEW OTHERS

1. TRY to keep yourself nice all the time ladies, even if you are married. Survey shows that, married men are more 'hunters' than single men. Believe it or not, men like what they see and women like what they hear. So TRY to keep looking good for yourself and your man because that's what attracted him to you in the first place. No man wants to come home and see his woman all messed up

2. And ladies, you don't need a man to make you the woman that you are. It is you who make you the woman you are, we just feed off your energy.

3. Always look good for yourself, because when you look good, you feel good. Build a strong self esteem and just don't just settle for any man just because you are single. Set "reasonable" standards.

4. Learn how to dress. this is where ladies get it twisted. Its not the finger nail extensions, eyebrow shaving, the weird make up and the skimpy clothes that makes one beautiful and attractive. Personally, I don't like any of that and not a lot of guys will introduce you to MAMMA looking like a tramp stamp.

This is all I can say for now. I am sorry this note is a bit lengthy but I tried to make it as precise as possible. I hope this will be of some help because that is exactly what I want this to do.

ENJOY READING. love 💚