MAMMA beat my ass - PART 1

Growing up, Mum beat my ass a couple of times. Each time was a sad moment for me but I'm cracking up laughing as I write this post. Today, I rather tease her on the whooping she gave me. I always ask her "So Mum, remember when I did this and that and you beat me?" and all she says in return is "No I don't, but my beating have made you what you are today". To this day, she has never admitted to doing anything wrong in-terms of how she disciplined us, and we don't think she ever will. Indeed, her whooping did teach us lessons. Lessons we still remember. Lessons that have set us up the right way. So I guess she did do a great ass whooping job on us.

You can be guaranteed that the "My Mamma" topic will pop up when Africans meet, regardless of which countries we are from. This is one of the topics which we discuss the most among ourselves and we just laugh at each others pain. I have many beating stories so its only right that I share with you guys a couple of them. Alright, here we go !!

As a kid, about 5 years old, I loved powdered milk. There was a popular brand at the time called NIDO (picture attached below). I remember my Mum used to keep a few tins on the bottom shelf of the cabinet. I came back from school one day while she was at work, sneaked into the cabinet, opened the lid and ate up some of the powdered milk. Mum came home around 4pm, entered her room, and after a few minutes I heard her call my name the angry way "Herr Mubarak", that was my "about-to-get-a-beating" name. Anytime Mamma called a name and  said "Herr" before the name, you knew your butt was going to be set on fire. So the moment she called, my heart dropped. "How could she know", I thought. I wiped my lips clean, put on my innocent face and walked into her room. With the powdered milk in hand, she asked "Who came in here to eat powdered milk?", she asked. As stupid as I was, I denied it. I told her I had no idea. How dumb, There was no one else home except my little sister and I. She asked me again and I still denied. So she called my little sister into the room and asked her the same question. She told Mum she hadn't even been to her room. Fauzia, my little sister, had absolutely no idea what had went down so I believe Mum could easily tell the innocence on her face and immediately told her to leave us. I knew my butt was in a lot of trouble right there so I started psyching myself up for a whooping. What made it worse, she pulled out the lid, opened it and told me to come take a look. So I proceeded slowly knowing she could swing from anyway at anytime. I think I was more cautious with my steps than an 90 year old woman with bad feet. I got close enough and realized my finger prints were left all over the powder. All I could think was "DAMN, I messed up". At this point, there was no escaping the whooping so I just wanted to get it over with. Long story short, she beat my ass so badly and told me NEVER to "steal" or "lie" again. She warned me never to take anything without permission and if she wasn't home, should tell her when she came back. That was the lesson. Of course I didn't want that kind of beating ever again so I kept it in my best memory. I kept eating the powdered milk, but this time, I always met her at the door when she came home and reported myself immediately. 

Then it got to a point where she had to change the rules because my powdered-milk eating habit was getting out of hand. One afternoon, she calls me into her room again. This time she didn't whoop me but warned me never to eat up the powdered milk unless she had directly instructed me to. That was the start to the end of my powdered milk-eating habits, but at least until I was old enough to buy little portions on the streets with my lunch money.

I was about 5 years old at the time and after that, I never got into trouble for taking anything that didn't belong to me. As I got older, I gained her trust so much that even when she misplaced anything around the house, whether it was money, jewelry or clothes, she never asked me if I had it but would ask everybody else. She trusted that I wouldn't take it and if I did, she knew I would tell her. 

That's what a little discipline can do, OR perhaps I should say thats what a LITTLE ASS WHOOPING can do......It can indeed straighten you up

Part 2 on the way

Thanks for reading y'all.........ONE LOVE.

This is the lady I was talking about y'all. My sweet Mamma. LOVE HER TO DEATH !!

                   Mum with my nephew. He will learn soon. 

Mamma with lil nephew Payton

I am not saying treat your kids like slaves and prisoners, but you cannot spare them too much either. You will mess up your kids that way

No this is too extreme. This is child abuse right 

Your Mamma loves you regardless. Discipline is just tough love. Thats all it is. 

Chinese parents don't play.

This is child abuse. If you let a child bleed. Thats just going too far 

The old school way of spanking

This is what got me in trouble y'all. The powdered Milk: Nido

"BABY, YOU GETTING FAT ??"

"My girl is gaining weight but I don't know how to tell her"........This is probably one of the things that pop up the most anytime guys have "men conversation". Apparently, a lot of guys struggle with telling their ladies if they notice a few extra pounds on them.  Don't get me wrong, they are not punks, but merely scared of the repercussions that stem from saying that. Well, I guess that still makes them punks, doesn't it. Regardless, every guy has been at the receiving end of such anger, whether knowingly or otherwise. It was actually in college where I learnt my lesson from telling girls "hey, you getting big". I was actually oblivious to how they felt until, I remember vividly, my friend C-dor confronted me about it, saying it was offensive to girls when guys told them that. I still didn't take it that very seriously until Marian also warned me about it. I didn't understand why someone pointing out something like that to you should offend you, especially coming from a place of no malice nor harm, just love and care. But as a grew older, I realized women were super self-conscious, especially about their bodies.......so comments like that, even from a good heart, could be taken offensively, in one way or another.

On the contrary, guys aren't generally too self-conscious about their bodies....we don't really care if we are told we are getting fat, skinny, or muscular. We actually relish being told so we can work on it. Growing up, I believe everyone had that one extremely skinny dude in their school that EVERYBODY made fun of , OR that one big girl that NOBODY made fun of. So, now the question is "how do I tell my lady she is gaining extra weight?". She might be becoming less attractive to you or might be having some health issues or just getting sloppy and dull due to that. How do you go about telling her without hurting her feelings, lowering her self-esteem and making her frustrated at both herself and you?.

Any female you talk to will tell you "DO NOT TELL HER DIRECTLY". Rather, do things that might give her the idea that she has gained a few extra pounds. Here are a few tips I got from talking to people and surfing the internet about things you can do to let her know; (1) Buy her small clothes (2) Sign her up for gym or yoga classes (3) Serve her smaller portions of food (4) Leave around old photos of her. My opinion is: these tips are RIDICULOUS. These might work for a few people but I think they are pretty terrible ideas. Now lets dive into them. (1) Buy her small clothes ?? well, in a clothing store, there is something called a return policy. She can send it back if the dress doesn't fit. duh! (2) Sign her up for gym classes ?? When you come home one day with a gym membership card in your hand, the first question you will get asked is "thanks, but why did you sign me up for a gym class? ". Moreover, girls rarely go to the gym to do anything but lose weight. It's not like they are in there trying to bench-press 40 kilos of weight, so that's a pretty obvious move. (3) Serve her small portions of food ? This is a funny one. Does that mean you have to be present anytime she wants to eat something?, and not just that, you also have to be the one serving her the food?. Then I'll suggest you quit your job and let her hire you as her personal chef, that's the only way this will work. The last tip: (4) leave around her old photos. Really ?? So all of a sudden, your lady comes home one time and finds her old photos lying around the house, and you don't think she will ask you why you got her old pictures lying around ?

Personally, if you are really close to a person, I think you should just tell them straight up; "HEY LISTEN, YOU ARE GETTING FAT, LOSE SOME DAMN WEIGHT ELSE I'M DUMPING YOUR ASS". NOoo, that is exactly NOT what to say if you want to keep your relationship and avoid getting stabbed in your sleep. Just a nice, calm, sweet way, will be good enough. Every woman knows when she has gained a few extra pounds, so the last thing she wants is to be reminded or nagged about it every time. All you need to do is to support her through getting back in shape. So instead of signing her up for a gym section, perhaps you can sign both you and and her at the same time and perhaps look at it as a way to spend some more time together. That's believable, ain't it? I told y'all I was smart. 

My most important point though, is; people just don't enter relationships. There is always a stage where there is nothing but conversation where you guys get to know each other. Based on that, you decide you have things in common, share the same goals or like each other. So I believe that is where this whole conversation should start. At the start of any friendship, everyone gets asked questions like "what do you do on free time?", "what are some of the things you like doing?", "what kind of guys or girls do you like?"...etc. Usually people talk more to each other about different topics when they are friends than when they actually get together as partners. That's where you let the other know what kind of things you like, and what you will or will not settle for. So as soon as possible, find a way to slip in things that are very important to you, and if STAYING LEAN is one of them, then you've got to slip that in or bring up a topic that relates to that in your conversations. If she is the type of person who likes that, then that's great for you, if she doesn't, then she might let you know how she feels or might think about it. Either way, it wouldn't be too late. 

But that notwithstanding, if you are a man that looks like the male version of PRECIOUS, you have no business bringing up a topic about fitness and weight-loss. Maybe you could start a conversation about how you want to stop eating all those extra large cheese burgers that got you fat in the first place, but definitely not about wanting a girl who has a lean body. That will sound awful and disrespectful to any girl, and even worse, you will look like an idiot. The girl will just be thinking "WHAT ?? Don't no lean girl want your fat ass". So please refrain from that. The worst thing anyone can do is point fingers at someone while they themselves are guilty of the same thing they are complaining and nagging about. Got it ?? 

So that was my little advice about approaching this "getting fat" situation when you face it, I hope it made some sense. That's it for another post y'all.

Thank for reading...............DEUCESSSS  !!!

Well, that's when you know its starting to go left

Every woman knows if she is gaining weight, even before you notice.

This is what you get for being too direct....you get slapped. So be nice and polite 

Workout with her, hit the gym together....it would be a new way to spend more time together

If your lady is happy, you are happy. So keep her happy

That's cute, ain't it ?? Just a simple jog or walk together can solve the problem

SUPPORT HER

Never say stuff like this !! Its offensive believe it or not. Unfortunately most guys don't realize it. 

Never let it get too far, take measures as quickly as possible 

GYM TIME BABYY !!

If you look like the male version of "PRECIOUS", Don't go talking to girls about wanting a lean body girl, you will look stupid. For y'all who don't know, "Precious" is a wonderful move which stars "Gabourey Sidibe", who plays a girl named Precious, in the picture above. Had to make a point. I still love you Gabourey, No hard feelings.

PICKUP LINES: THE STORY

“Babe, I am not the most attractive guy here but I’m the only one talking to you”.  This was what my friend told this girl sitting at the bar. When I heard that, I moved about 10 feet away from him cos I knew he was gonna get slapped or get hit with a beer bottle. But No, she was nice enough to just ignore him. This brought back a lot of memories from back in the day, some pretty funny and some pretty sad ones. So this post is about pickup lines. Let's go!

I was in Junior High School when I wrote down my first pickup line. It was a line I had heard from the movie Juwanna man. “You are a tall glass of water and I’m thirsty”..that was the line. At the time, I thought it was pretty good so I wrote it down and shared with my boys and they all thought it was genius. Not just us, some girls actually did like it too. Sitting here writing this post after 10 years, I am laughing to myself thinking “damn that was a really dumb thing to say”.

Every guy has probably thought about using a pickup line, or has used a pickup line, or still use it. In my first year of college, my roommate used to memorize books full of pickup lines like he had to write exams on them. This dude would carry his pocket book everywhere he went, and actually say some of these lines to some random girls around the campus. One day, he came to the room looking all flustered, talking about "these lines don't seem to work man, why is that ?" I took a look at his little notebook and read some of these pickup lines he had on there. These are the few ones I still remember (1) “hi baby, are you wearing space pants, because your butt is out of this world” (2) “hi, you have nice legs, what time do they open ?” (3) “Do you have a name or can I call you "mine"?. After I read them, I then understood why his face got redder and redder each passing day. It was definitely from all the slaps that had being administered to him by these girls after he told them these things. 

As bad as some of these lines might sound, different girls react differently to different pickup lines. Some girls would agree that some awful pickup lines have actually worked on them. I guess this goes to show that romance is full of surprises. We have all wondered why a very pretty girl would date a guy that was "out of her league" and vice versa. So I guess romance is indeed full of surprises. That notwithstanding, lots of girls absolutely hate pickup lines saying it’s not authentic and its desperate.

The funniest thing however, is the response some girls give to these guys. True story; I am with my Nigerian friend Justin. Now Justin is one of those guys who wants to talk to any cute girl he meets. So we are walking around the neighborhood and we see this girl walking towards us. He goes to her and says “hello, haven’t I seen you someplace before?”, the girl replies “yeah you have, that’s why I don’t go there anymore”…and that was enough to end the conversation. Big cousin also told his sad story about using a pickup line. He approached a girl and said “hey girl, whats your sign”…I guess that was a popular line from back in the day....and with a mean face, the girl replied “Do not enter”. He turned slowly and walked away. Point is, some girls have heard these lines from several guys and have developed quite “hurtful” responses for them. So fellows, be creative with your lines if you insist on using them. 

Personally, I don’t like pickup lines and I  don't use them either. But they do actually work if it’s creative and most importantly, FUNNY. Don’t go saying dumb cliche things like “did it hurt from you fell from heaven” or “you must be a broom because you are sweeping me off my feet”. That might have worked from 1910 to 1915, but in this era, you will get drinks poured on your face for that. Personal advice ?? forget pickup lines and just be regular, if a girl isn't interested in talking to you when you say a simple “hi”, you can be damn sure she wouldn't talk to you when you say corny pickup lines either.

Thanks for reading y'all...............ONE LOVE

I am pretty sure this was exactly what happened to my friend. That's what u get for saying dumb pickup lines

Talk to the hand. Now that's a bad sign. I am pretty sure he said "how did it feel when u fell from heaven"

You could be good looking but saying the wrong things can get drinks poured on you. Now go wash that tight-ass T-shirt and try again. 

She's thinking "Yeah whatever...I have heard it over and over". Be creative y'all

Really, that was your best line? "come on baby me love u long time" ?? really? 

This is what NOT saying stupid pickup lines can get you. 

Pickup lines can work too, you just gotta be funny and creative. Might land you a friend 

Even the other guy is mad at that line. I am pretty sure he got slapped after a while.

This is pretty funny but girl wasn't feeling it. 

Dumb pickup lines do make you corny. Be yourself fellows. Just being cute isn't enough, at least that's what these ladies are saying.

IS HE TOOooo COMFORTABLE ??

For the last couple of days my internet connection hasn't been too nice. Probably because the guy I was "borrowing" from parted ways with his "charitable" side for a few days. Well I guess God touched his heart because I am back on the airwaves. So what is the conversation today? ...."NAME SOMETHING YOU WISH YOUR MAN WASN'T SO COMFORTABLE DOING AROUND YOU".  Quite interesting isn't it? This was what sparked everything:

Watching an episode of Family Feud hosted by one of my favorite comedians Steve Harvey, he asked the contestants (all women) this question, and pretty interesting answers popped up. Maybe a brief intro about the show would help. So Family Feud is basically a family show where two separate families go against each other in order to win an ultimate prize. Each family has 5 members representing them, so the question is passed from one member to another and if their answers match the answers on the board, they are awarded points. When they fail, the question is passed to the opposing family. So Steve asks this question to one family and these were the answers all five ladies came up with, which were all on the board. Mind you, the answers on the board are answers gathered from a survey of a 100 other random women. The answers were "BELCHING,  FARTING, PICKING HIS NOSE, ADJUSTING HIMSELF (scratching his privates) and the most interesting was WALKING IN THE BATHROOM AND TAKING A DUMP WHILE I'M IN THERE GETTING READY"........These were the things the 100+5 women hoped their men weren't so comfortable doing around them. I am guessing half of y'all reading this are going like "really, I don't care if my man does it" while the other half are going "you damn right, I hate that too" 

Everyone is different, some might not care and others might. Interestingly, about a year ago I had a similar conversation with my roommate at the time about sharing bathrooms with your partner. I didn't like the idea but he had absolutely no problem with it. I remember we had a heated argument about it, and he always thought it was strange that I felt that way. No wonder this dude never closed the bathroom door when he went in to handle his business. I remember I used to be in the living room doing my work and out of nowhere I heard sounds likes "ice chips was falling in water". That was him peeing standing outside the bathroom door like we were in 6th grade all over again. Remember 6-8th grade when we used to compete over who had the longest pissing range, crazy right ? Anyway, back to topic. 

When I was little, I always had altercations with my sisters and my Mum when it came to similar issues. Growing up, I had a big dressing mirror up my wall so my sisters always liked to get dressed or change up in my room instead of theirs....that didn't bother me at all but this did; These girls never knocked, just popped in butt-ass naked not caring whether I was there or not just because I was little brother. That PISSED ME OFF. I hated seeing them like that, and those were my sisters. Kind of strange if you think about it. So after watching that episode and seeing a bunch of ladies complain about similar instances, boy was I relieved. At least I was not crazy. 

Personally, I just think people stop caring about these little things because they get too comfortable around each other. Imagine going out on a first date with a girl you just met and belching, picking your nose, picking your teeth, farting and scratching your "stuff" at the table, you can bet she will leave your nasty ass behind, walk away and never pick your calls or maybe go the extra mile to get a restraining order against you. With-that-being-said, being able to do certain things around your partner is great. That just shows that you are comfortable around each other. Awesome right ? Perhaps it will be, if it didn't offend them, I think that's most important. That notwithstanding, you cannot always control stuff like belching, farting and scratching/adjusting oneself.  For the fellows, sometimes we just gotta make sure our little friend down there is comfortable so there aren't any hard feelings between us, ya dig?  In that case, of course its cool. Its only a problem when it becomes a habit; like the husbands to these 100+5 Family Feud ladies.

Getting a little more curious about this, I thought; "let me google this topic and see what pops up", and like I'd expected, even more interesting things came up. On this one website, there was a poll that I came across and I thought it would be cool if shared with y'all. The question was: 

Do you fart/poop in front of your husband?

Yes, all the time. : (95 votes) 

23 %

Never. : (108 votes) 

26 %

I try not to, but don't really care if it happens. : (79 votes) 

19 %

I fart in front of him, but no pooping. : (130 votes) 

32 %

See the results above? pretty interesting right ? I guess only 23% out of a 100% women actually do it on purpose, the rest don't at all or it happens by accident. So I'm guessing if majority aren't doing none of these stuff around their men, then they expect the men to reciprocate that. Perhaps there should be a show on Family Feud also asking men "what they wish their ladies would stop doing in front of them"....that would be battle of the sexes, wouldn't it? 

Yep, thanks to Family Feud, I finally got to blog on this. I side with some of the stuff these ladies talked about just because I will like to keep things fresh between myself and my partner. Being comfortable is awesome but being over-comfortable might not always be great, especially when its done on purpose like some of my friends do.......sorry for putting you guys on blast man. At least I didn't mention your names.....Dee, Lee, Smizzle, Nkwanbos......(these are coded names by the way)...haha

So to you guys out there who just walk to the bathroom, raise the seat of the WC, pull your stuff down and start "dropping bombs" that wipe all the make-up off your ladies' faces, y'all should jump of a bridge and kill yourselves. OR you can just put a stop to it. I will choose the first option if I were you though. Lol

This was yet another controversial one. I hope u enjoyed it

Oh, ONE last little bit of laugh, I saw this article on the internet, pretty hilarious. Check it out:

Chanel Vargas Anderson

"I heard Ross fart in his sleep- after that I thought it was important to have " the talk" I told him I am ok with him farting because I would hate for him to get stomach cramps for trying to hold them in on my behalf. Something that had happened to me once on a date and I was in the worst pain all night long. I had wished someone had given permission to fart to alleviate the pain. :( Having said all this I regret ever giving Ross permission :) and everyone close to Ross knows why."

Thanks for reading y'all.......one love :)

Episode of Family Feud where this question was asked.

The host Steve Harvey with contestants from two different families

I wouldn't wanna be her. 

HAHA....Funny. Maybe it was really a frog in there. 

Him Getting too comfortable is "killing" her. 

Bathroom fights.....I bet she wants to smack the crap out of him. 

THIS WAS SILLY, I DECIDED TO ADD IT....I bet it felt like a terrorist attack on that train

YOU WANNA LOSE WEIGHT AND GET HEALTHY RIGHT ?

So this post is basically about how to lose weight and get healthier, mostly for the females but its applicable to the guys as well. A lot of research goes into knowing exactly how to achieve this but I have tried my best to provide a summary of what you need to do. So to lose weight, you basically have to DIET RIGHTLY and EXERCISE. That’s about it. The bigger issue is what to eat and how to exercise. Not eating and exercising correctly would be a waste of time. We have all heard people say “I exercise but I still cant lose weight” or “I think it is in my genes to be fat”. Genetics do actually play a major role in how much weight you can gain/lose, but everyone can gain/lose weight regardless of what type of genetics you possess. SO YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE. IF we are clear on the facts, Here we go!!

WARNING !!

Before we begin, I would like to say; there is no magic way to lose weight. There are no pills or drugs to that can help you achieve weight-loss in a healthy way. ALL those weight-loss drugs and pills are DANGEROUS, so stay away from those. Second rule: If you are not disciplined and determined to losing weight, don’t even bother trying because that is not going to happen. With that out of the way. Here is the Mubarak's guide to weight loss. Get your pens & papers ready y'all. Lets Rumble !

1. NUTRITION: 

DON'T DO THE FOLLOWING:

•  DON’T STARVE YOURSELF. Most people start their weight loss routines by starving themselves. That will work, but that’s not healthy and let’s be honest you cannot continue that for long. You will eventually breakdown and say “screw it”, so that’s not advisable. What you can do is to eat normally but to reduce the amount of food you take in at any point in time. Also instead of eating the usual 3 heavy meals, you can eat, say; 5 or 6 times smaller meals. This will prevent you from consuming too many calories and prevent you from staying hungry as well.

• STAY AWAY FROM SWEETENERS. Cut out all sodas (cola etc), fruit juices, cakes, candy, and chocolate. These stuff have no nutritional value and they contain lots of simple sugars. Simple sugars are basically stored as FAT in your body. A lot of fat people usually say “I don’t eat a lot”. Well it’s not necessarily eating a lot that makes you fat; but NOT eating right does. Also stay away from white rice, white bread, potatoes and rather go with brown rice, brown breads, oatmeal and sweet potatoes. The "white" stuff have all their nutrients taking out. They are basically simple carbs which are essentially sugars. Also eat a lot green leafy vegetables, they have almost no carbs in them and they have a lots of fibers so they keep you full for a long time and they also have no fat. It's an excellent choice if you want to lose weight.  

•   DON’T SKIP BREAKFAST: After 6-8 hours of sleep, you need a healthy breakfast within 1-2 hours when you wake up. Personally, the first thing I do when I wake up is drink a tall glass of water. When you eat breakfast, it makes you eat lighter at lunch since you don’t feel as hungry as when you don’t eat anything at all. Hence you can control your calorie intake and this can help with your weight loss. That notwithstanding, not all breakfast is healthy. Avoid sugary stuff and go with foods with high protein and fiber like wholegrain cereals, a boiled egg (without yolk since it contains high level of cholesterol), a piece of fruit (apple, banana) and nuts (peanut, walnut, groundnut...etc). Nuts contain a LOT of protein hence they are good all-day-long and they prevent you from getting hungry due to their high protein and fiber content. People usually complain about not having time to prepare breakfast. If that’s the case, grab a piece of fruit (apple) and/or a bottle of water on your way out of the house. That will do too.

• ALCOHOL/CIGARETTES. This is what happens when you drink alcohol; Naturally, your body burns fat to produce energy. But when you drink, your body’s source of energy at that time is the alcohol. That means, your body uses the alcohol as the preferred source of energy instead burning fat for its energy source. Meaning u don’t burn any fat, and you store more. Also, alcohol messes up your testosterone (growth hormones in men) and converts some of these hormones to Estrogen (hormone in women). No wonder men who drink over a long period of time develop man boobs and get fat bellies. Your liver helps you burn fat as energy right ? Alcohol messes ur liver up. So how the hell do you expect to burn fat now that your liver is all saggy? see. About cigarettes, what don't you already know? It’s bad, messes up your lungs and kills you, PERIOD.

 I don’t want to claim that you cannot lose weight when you smoke or drink but all I will say is, IF you are serious about losing weight, you wouldn’t do neither.

DO THE FOLLOWING

 The do’s are the opposites of the don’ts listed above. But here are a few more;

• One food that probably has the most amounts of protein and fiber is beans. Beans are extremely nutritious so that should be a major part of your diet. They contain complex carbohydrates and fiber and they regulate your blood sugar level. Complex carbohydrates simply mean they digest slowly and that's the best choice of carbohydrates if you want to lose weight, unlike simple sugars or simple carbs that digest fast, making u hungry and fat. Also all kinds of peanuts are good, including peanut butter (groundnut paste).

•  Try to eat low-carb diets. These are foods low in carbohydrates. Low-carbs are excellent for weights loss and obesity treatment. Examples are vegetables and some fruits. Most people think its Fatty foods that make them obese. Its not, healthy fats are actually good for your body because they provide you energy. Its bad carbohydrates and sugars that are “evil”.

• My most important point here is: DRINK A LOOT OF WATER. Let me explain why WATER is probably your best option if you want to lose weight and be healthy. Water is needed to flush out the calories you get from eating. In other words, water helps speed up your metabolism. If you are dehydrated, your metabolism slows down and you don’t burn out your fat. Also, If you drink water often, at different times of the day, it prevents you from feeling hungry which will in turn prevent you from eating too much and will help with your weight loss. Water also prevents shortage of blood and helps the body run smoothly. Vehicles breakdown or overheat when they don’t have adequate water in their tanks, and your body does the same.

Let me bet you this. Drink about a gallon (about 8-10 glasses) of water a day and I can guarantee you will lose about 5-10 pounds of fat in a week or two. Weigh yourself now, start this routine and weigh yourself again after two weeks. See what happens. Water is extremely important for weight loss, JUST WATER…not soda, or juice or any sweet liquid. JUST PLAIN H20.

2.     EXERCISE

The first part talked more about nutrition. That’s not difficult to do. The rest isn’t that hard. Its mainly exercise and rest, with exercise being the most challenging. 6-8 hours of sleep is probably the easiest thing to do. For exercise, the best thing to do is:

•  CARDIO: The best is running or jogging, brisk walking or biking. If you are a beginner, try to jog slowly at a constant pace. Not too slowly like a snail and not too fast like a cheater. Do about 30-45 minutes of cardio 5 times a week and rest without exercising for the 2 other days. If you cannot do that, do it every other day (leave a rest day between each day)

• WORKOUT ROUTINE: Once you get into jogging and get used to exercising, you should include a weight training or strength training program to your cardio. Here, its advisable you combine both the cardio and the strength training to achieve maximum results. Here is a routine you can follow: ALWAYS START WITH 20-30 minutes cardio and afterwards, work on a separate body part each day. A total of 45 mins-1 hr should be more than enough for your daily exercise. DO NOT OVERWORK YOUR BODY !!

Mondays: 20-30 minutes cardio, then work on chest exercise by doing different bench press exercises. I have attached some pictures below. Then on Tuesdays; again start with 20-30 minutes cardio and work on another body part, say your arms (biceps) by doing exercises with dumbbells or pull-down exercises. Make sure you do not repeat the same exercise you did on Monday on any other day. Work on each body part once a week. On Wed, again cardio for 20-30 minutes and then work on your legs by doing leg extensions, squats...Etc. Thursday; cardio 20-30 mins and work on triceps with dumbbells and on Friday, you can do some exercise on your back by doing some pull down exercises. Rest on Saturdays and Sundays. These exercises will help burn the fat and get you fit, strong and healthy. Don't worry about doing separate exercises for ABS (6 packs). Cardio is the best you can do when it comes to burning stomach fat or revealing your 6 pack, so DON'T do crunches and sit-ups. That’s a waste of time, especially for a beginner.

WEIGHT LOSS TAKES PATIENCE, It might take you several months to see massive results. So avoid checking your weight everyday. I suggest sticking to the routine and being disciplined. Just before you start your weight loss program, take pictures of yourself from all angles and keep repeating this every month to check your progress. After about 3-4 months, compare your current pictures to when you started and I guarantee that you will be amazed at your progress. Usually people don’t notice how much progress they've made because they keep staring at the mirror all day. AVOID THAT and surprise yourself. 

So yeah, that’s pretty much it. This might have been a bit lengthy but I’ve tried to make it as understanding to the average person without having to go through all the technical terms these professionals will give you.

In summary, you need basically two things to lose weight and live healthy. First, and most important thing is your diet and second is exercise. Most people actually do these two but don’t realize any change because they don’t do it correctly. Follow this routine and you will be OK. I don't usually do this but If you have any questions or concerns, please leave a comment below (add name and email), or shoot me an email (fulani50@hotmail.com) and I will get back to you.

Keep these two quotes in mind: (1) TEMPORARY DISCOMFORT FOR LIFETIME PLEASURE, (2) NO PAIN, NO GAIN.

Thanks for reading y’all…….ONE LOVE

Brisk walking - very good cardio

pull-down exercise - for arms and back

arm workout - dumbbells to tone the arms

Cardio - Jogging 

Exercise to workout the legs and thighs

Before and After pictures - If she can do it, so can you :)

Bench press - to work the triceps and chest area

SLOW DEATH. AVOID THESE

 STAY AWAY FROM DIET PILLS...DANGEROUS

CIGARETTES is slow death, and ALCOHOL makes you fat, YOU DECIDE.

Man boobs and a fat belly - its never too late to get in shape though

AVOID ALL SUGARY STUFF AND SWEETENERS

BEANS SHOULD BE A MAJOR PART OF YOUR DIET- EXCELLENT FOR WEIGHT LOSS

Check the back of foodstuff you buy to make sure they have the right calories you want.

AVOID ALL OF THESE STUFF....NON-NUTRITIOUS SIMPLE SUGARS MAKE YOU FAT.

8-10 GLASSES OF PURE WATER A DAY (depending on your body size)

I am currently on 4 bottles of this 500ml bottle a day = 2 liters a day, which a little over 8 glasses of water a day.

TRACK YOUR PROGRESS: 3 and half months for me -  SLOW progress, DEDICATION and PATIENCE y'all